Two of my favorite quotes

I have a picture taped to my bathroom wall containing two quotes. The first is from the late writer and activist, Audre Lorde, who said, “caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation.” That sounds good, right?! But let’s unpack that.

The definition of self-indulgent is - an excessive or unrestrained gratification of one’s own appetites, desires, or whims. If we are practicing self-care, it could look like shopping. However, self-care isn’t spending the majority of your paycheck shopping without funds to put towards sustaining your life like paying bills, groceries, etc. One might justify this by saying, “That’s how I practice self-care. I had to do it.”

But if you take the second half of that quote about self-care is self-preservation. Preservation means to maintain or keep alive. Another definition states that it’s the act or process of keeping something safe from damage or deterioration. With those definitions in consideration, and in the simplest terms, self-care is not about indulging our whims but maintaining and keeping us alive.

Self-care keeps us safe from damage and deterioration. That hits deep, doesn’t it?

That makes me confidently say that self-care is a must. Do you see the difference? Shopping excessively to make me feel better will not sustain me. But eating right, rest, a nourishing meal, and honoring my needs as they come will keep me alive. Lorde was right. Self-care is as vital and natural as filling our lungs with air.

The other quote is from another wonderful writer by the name of Eleanor Brownn. She says, “rest and self care are so important."

When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.” I assume you’ve heard the glass half-full or half-empty metaphor. Except imagine that you have a jar full of water and that jar is you. You have a full stomach, sleep well throughout the night, get outside and move, so your jar is full.

However, if you miss a few meals and have a few crummy nights of sleep, your jar begins to drain. Then life happens as it often does and suddenly: you don’t remember the last time you had a good night’s rest, you eat when you remember to, you’re cranky and have an aching head and body and feel a cold coming. Your jar only has mere drops left. You continue pushing yourself because life doesn’t stop expecting you to show up … until you’re in the hospital.

I know this sounds exaggerative. But pushing our needs to the wayside for an extended period of time produces a domino effect. This could take days, weeks, months, or years, even, but if you don’t practice self-care you will only deplete yourself. I know this first hand. My therapist says my back pain and involuntary spasms are physical symptoms of stress. My grandmother tried to warn me when I was in my thirties of the importance of self-care but I didn’t listen. I knew of self-care like an acquaintance at the local market, we never moved beyond introductions and pleasantries.

Take heed now and take in self-care as a friend. It’s never too late to think about yourself. It is selfish, sure. But like stress, selfishness is not always a bad thing. As caregivers, we don’t do this enough. In my support group we ask: how are you doing today and what do you need today. I love that because we get an opportunity to center our needs as caregivers because oftentimes we are focused on others. It empowers me to honor myself with self-care everyday.

Self-care is subjective for all of us. So as you practice self-care, remember these universal points:

1. Concentrate on the good.

2. Self-care is not a “one-and-done” thing. You don’t do self care this week and then you’re done for the month. Self-care is a continuous journey that you can improve upon each and every day.

3. Self-care is forever.

4. Self-care is life.

5. Self-care is the practice of putting forth the love and tenderness toward yourself that you put to your loved one.

6. You are important.

7. You can and you deserve to smile as you care for your loved one.

8. You can have peace of mind.