Self-care

So how do you maintain your peace of mind as a carer for your loved one? How do you show up for others without losing yourself in the process and smile while doing it?

The answer is self-care.

Self-care and wellness have been given the buzzword treatment in recent years. Companies market skin care products, for instance, as essentials for our self-care practice. However, the answer isn’t just shopping, massages, manicure and pedicures, or affirmations. Believe me, I love those things as much as the next person. However, self-care isn’t selfish for selfishness’s sake.

Self-care is essential because it forces us to pay attention to how we are truly feeling. If you are tired and burned out, temporary fixes are just that – temporary. Self-care is subjective so what may work for my baby sister may not work for my daughter. But one thing is certain: we all need to stick to our basics.

On the Caregivers Haven podcast, we discussed the fundamentals of self-care. For me, self-care looks like getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising and practicing joyful movement, and minding my own mental, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. I feel that by defining our essential areas and practicing consistency within them, our vessels remain filled.

But if you are tired, stressed, hungry, and over-extended, you become an angry Betty White in that Snickers commercial. I know you’ve seen that commercial.

You need a stable foundation of self to keep you going. Not only will you show up in your life a better you, you will better appreciate the shopping trips and caring for your loved one. The latter is certainly not easy. It can be draining, scary, frustrating, confusing, and isolating. I was accustomed to the guilt and hopelessness.

So often we, the caregiver, watch, wait, and anticipate. We try to get ahead of the bout of psychosis or another hospitalization. And before we know it: our shoulders are tense, jaws clenched, our faces are lined with worry, and our heads pound incessantly. Sometimes, our concerns are answered, and other times: they are like boats sailing past a dock without stopping. This pattern can kickstart a struggle with anxiety and depression; both of which can make us lose sight of reality. While yes, caring for others with debilitating health issues is hard, it’s important to remember that love also lights the way. We love those we care for.

There is happiness to experience with our loved ones, even in the thick of caring for them. But we cannot recognize and appreciate it if we aren’t honoring our needs, too.

So as you embark on your caregiving journey, remember that having a self-care practice aids you in showing up as the best caregiver you can be. It will make the good times that you’ve shared, the ones that made you laugh and smile, easier to recall and lift your mood. You’ll see that your shoulders aren’t as tense, your jaws loosened, and you’re smiling with your heart. It will allow you to meet your loved one where they are and not fixate on where they “should” be.

Self-care is a must for peace of mind. I know this because I’ve tried it; and so far: it’s worked.